The Whole Journey philosophy is holistic to account for all of who a person is.
Not just healthy food, but healthy relationships, healthy movement, a meaningful spiritual practice, an inspiring creative outlet, and an understanding that there are emotional roots to physical illness.
Sometimes, rather than starting off with increasing our water intake and adding in more vegetables, the best place to start improving our health is within our emotional body because all the kale and bone broth in the world will not allow the body to heal if we are carrying around a heart full of anger and resentment.
We've all experienced hurt and pain that has been caused by others or that we have caused for ourselves. Many of us have experienced situations that are truly deemed as unforgivable, yet if we are to be healthy on all levels, we must find a way to forgive so that we can free ourselves.
That's why I'm sharing with you a wonderful Forgiveness Exercise that I have recently gone through myself and will continue to do annually or bi-annually to achieve forgiveness and greater peace and happiness.
The Impact of Forgiveness on Physical Health
A researcher named Everett L. Worthington, Jr. has dedicated his career to the study of forgiveness. He has found that it carries tremendous health and social benefits like lowering blood pressure, balancing out cortisol levels, and creating less inflammation and a more harmonious endocrine system. Others are dedicated to this field of research as well.
“In one study, Charlotte vanOyen Witvliet, a psychologist at Hope College, asked people to think about someone who had hurt, mistreated, or offended them. While they thought about this person and his or her past offense, she monitored their blood pressure, heart rate, facial muscle tension, and sweat gland activity. To ruminate on an old transgression is to practice unforgiveness. Sure enough, in Witvliet's research, when people recalled a grudge, their physical arousal soared. Their blood pressure and heart rate increased, and they sweated more. Ruminating about their grudges was stressful, and subjects found the rumination unpleasant. It made them feel angry, sad, anxious, and less in control. Witvliet also asked her subjects to try to empathize with their offenders or imagine forgiving them. When they practiced forgiveness, their physical arousal coasted downward. They showed no more of a stress reaction than normal wakefulness produces.”
According to another recent study on forgiveness led by psychologist Loren Toussaint at Luther College, the physical benefits of forgiveness seem to increase with age.
“He and his colleagues conducted a national survey of nearly 1,500 Americans, asking the degree to which each person practiced and experienced forgiveness (of others, of self, and even if they thought they had experienced forgiveness by God). Participants also reported on their physical and mental health. Toussaint and his colleagues found that older and middle-aged people forgave others more often than did young adults and also felt more forgiven by God.
What's more, they found a significant relationship between forgiving others and positive health among middle-aged and older Americans. People over 45 years of age who had forgiven others reported greater satisfaction with their lives and were less likely to report symptoms of psychological distress, such as feelings of nervousness, restlessness, and sadness.”
The hostility and stress that unforgiveness causes is also showing to compromise the immune system on many levels. We know that the endocrine system and the immune system are constantly in communication with one another, which means that the important hormones that hostility and stress throw off end up disrupting the immune system's ability to fight off bacteria and other infections.
To forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. It is to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) so let's practice this together with the following exercise.
Free Yourself Forgiveness Exercise
This was given to me by an amazing therapist and licensed Doctor of Psych neurology and Integrative Healing, Sylva Dvorak.
I've found it to be so beneficial (albeit not easy!) and I hope you do too.
1. Create a list of anyone you can think of in your entire life to date that irritated you, that created pain for you, that you got angry, etc. Note that this includes you. The list should be a bulleted list, not paragraphs. Just include names and a very short title for the incident. If you can't remember someone's name, then you can write the incident down such as, “the boy in 5th grade who threw a rock at me.” And, yes, you can include pets and other animals as well.
Write anything and everything you can think of, hold nothing back. Even if you don't feel that you held anything against that person or situation, write it down anyway just to be sure. Most people will have written 3-4 full pages of names.
2. Next, write the list of all the things you'd like to forgive yourself for.
3. In a solitary room (create a sacred space, light a candle, burn some incense, take a few long, deep breaths, whatever you feel called to do) where no interruptions are possible.
Go down the list one name at a time. Hold the image of each person in your mind and tell him or her,
“I forgive you, and I release you. I hold no forgiveness back. My forgiveness for you is total. I am free, and you are free. May we both be blessed.”
If you are too angry with the person or situation to be able to execute this with a clean heart, take as long as you need to write out all of your anger toward them. Don't worry about being nice. Get it all up and out. Once that is done, “give it up” to a higher power by burning or tearing up your writing and try to proceed again.
It's helpful to use an index card with these statements written on it and put it under each name as you go down the list. This process may take 30-60 minutes or longer. However, it's important to stick with it until the entire list is complete.
4. BONUS: Do nightly releases. Every evening before going to sleep, do a mental review of the day. Is there anyone you need to forgive? Just as you probably wash your face every night, it's also important to cleanse your consciousness nightly, so resentment doesn't accumulate. You can even do this while you wash your face. 😉
“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” ~ Robert Muller
Listen to this beautiful Alicia Keys song, “Pray for Forgiveness” and then give gratitude that you can forgive and have more peace in your heart silence in your mind. Then watch this wonderful TED Talk about gratitude.
Perhaps end your forgiveness meditation with the following prayer.
Gratitude Prayer – by Don Miguel Ruiz
Today, Creator of the universe, my heart is filled with gratitude for the gift of life you have given me. Thank you for the opportunity to experience this beautiful body and this wonderful mind. Today, Lord I want to express my gratitude for everything I have received from you.
I know the way to say thank you for life is by fully enjoying every moment of my life. And the only way to enjoy every moment is to love. Today I will express all the love and happiness that exist in my heart. I will love your creations, I will love myself, and I will love the people who live with me. I know that life is too short to waste in misery and drama with the people I love. I will enjoy the presence of the people I love, respecting their choices in life as I respect my own.
Today I will graciously receive your gifts by enjoying the beauty of all your creation. Help me to be as generous as you are, to share what I have with generosity just as you share your gifts so generously with me. Help me to become a master of gratitude, generosity, and love so that I can enjoy all of your creations.
Today Lord, help me to manifest my creation as you manifest the universe, to express the beauty of my spirit in the supreme art of the human: the art of dreaming my life. Today, Lord, I give you all of my gratitude and love because you have given me life.
When we live in gratitude, it is much easier to forgive. Let's support each other in having even more freedom through forgiveness!
Download the forgiveness process worksheet here.
References
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_new_science_of_forgiveness
I love what Mandy wrote… “Forgiveness is important, but not if you use it to stay with an unhealthy situation – get your hand out of the fire first. Then heal.”
I am presently in a lawsuit over my home… Why you ask… Because my wife died of 20 yrs and our home was in my in-laws name. My wife’s step sister was a Senior Loan Officer working for a lender and offered an act of kindness, but the deed was altered giving her and her husband 66% of my home.
A little more back ground. I have Cystic Fibrosis and I had a Bi-Lateral Lung Transplant and my beautiful wife was waiting for a lung transplant to save her life. So many miracles took place even during her death. So after 6 years of fighting and these individuals never doing one thing they said and/or paid one cent they think they are entitled to equity in my home because they misrepresented the truth by co-signing on the loan. I would love to forgive them, but I need them out of my life first. If I had money I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. I found the exercise to be a nice start. Thank you for doing this…
Philip
This is a beautiful and profound exercise, but I believe it is missing something: feeling and honoring the anger.
I have been so good at the forgiveness/ gratitude aspect of this self-healing process at times in my life that sometimes it has made situations or relationships palatable for a lot longer that I really needed to step out of, including some “unforgivable” situations as mentioned in the article. Allowing myself to feel the alarm bells of that anger, and to believe myself that my lines had been crossed and injury had been done, has been a very important part of my healing process. Forgiveness is important, but not if you use it to stay with an unhealthy situation – get your hand out of the fire first. Then heal.
So, to this process I would add a step: As we write down all the things that have made us angry, really give that anger space. Ask it what it needs. Respect it for the role it has to play in our health and safety as well. If that anger asks for an action (an action that comes from a loving and healthy place), do that acton first. Then continue with the steps.
It is so easy to forget, as we focus on being nice and positive and grateful and forgiving, that sometimes anger is a signal leading to greater health and well being as well. Let’s not shut out its voice, even as we seek the rest of these valuable things.
Maybe not all of you struggle with finding and feeling necessary anger when it arises, and maybe for some of you it’s the opposite. But if you’re like me, there’s my offering. Don’t be so enlightened you allow people to continue causing harm. Address the harm, by confrontation if needed or stepping away or whatever your anger tells you. Then forgive, for yourself, once you are safely away and ready to heal.
With love.
Beautiful share, Mandy. Thank you!
PERFECT TIMING! I was talking to my coworker about forgiveness. She has two people that she needs to forgive. It’s good for her health and it’s great for ours cause we’re tired of hearing her complain and be negative almost ALL DAY!Will share this.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Christa. Forgiveness is so hard at times, but so beautiful and powerful. I have experienced the benefits of letting go, forgiving, and the freedom and the results it brings are beyond profound! In fact, I was just sharing a story with my mom about forgiving people that have hurt me in the past, and her response was of pure disbelief that I could actually forgive them. I read your story and it clicked for me, that the physical healing she needs starts with this as well. We had spent some time discussing positive self talk, gratitude and affirmations, but I agree that forgiveness will bring her inner healing and peace and that may be the shift she needs first for optimal physical health. Thank you so much for the timely article; I have shared this with her!❤️
Christa, always a great reminder from another. The forgiveness exercise is wonderful and hope to squeeze that in during the holiday season. Currently, and in direct synchronicity with your post, I am reading Zero Limits by Joe Vitale with Ihaleakala Hew Len, PhD. regarding the Hawaiian prayer for liberation – I LOVE YOU, I AM SORRY,PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I THANK YOU. This is done throughout the day or anytime I have a thought of judging someone else or feeling separated from another. With that said: I Love You, I Am Sorry, Please Forgive Me, I Thank You. By doing so, I don’t collect more emotional injury and allow myself to delete and erase old conditioning back to the source of origination. Happy Holiday’s! Dan Hegerich
That’s a beautiful prayer, Dan. Thank you for sharing.
I Love this! Thank You! Is there a difference between #1 and #3 ? I’m not sure if #1 is “just the names” and #3 is “what they’ve done”.
I love the prayer.
When we see how much God has done for us, how He’s blessed us and how much He has forgiven us of, through Jesus, we can really just soak in all of that gratitude and let it refresh us. We are also empowered to love and forgive others, as he first did for us, before we ever deserved it.
I love 3 John 1:2, “Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in HEALTH, even as your SOUL prospers.” I think that often, our bodies are a reflection of the health of our souls.
(I have also heard that gratitude is the best way to change your thought processes from pessimistic to optimistic… and that is a profound change!)
Hi Courtney! Thank you for sharing. We also agree that practicing gratitude can result in positive change.
Yes!
oh my goodness. this came to me today just after my mother blind sighted me at breakfast with her diabetic meanness. Mornings tend to be her worst time. I can’t say anything right. She scews every word I say into a negative. She’s sarcastic and cruel. I’m the one who cares for her and supports her. She’s nearly 83. So frustrating. This newsletter could not have come at a better time. I can not change her, no matter how nice I am. But I must find peace so my health is not destroyed because of her. Thank you so much for this perfectly timed reminder. xo
You’re in My Thoughts & Prayers today, Deb. I’m sending you and your Mother My Heartfelt Love and Blessings from New Jersey – I hope you feel them as I scented them with Mulberry and wrapped them in Hugs!!
Thank you!
Thank you Jennie. Your prayers touched my heart. I appreciate your kindness so much.
You’re Welcome, Deb! Stay Positive!
You’re so welcome, Deb!
What a beautiful idea and article. If we all would put this into practice, the world would be a better place. I definitely will pass it on and do it myself. Thank you for the encouragement. Blessings this holiday season. Very thankful I´ve “met” you!!
It’s a pleasure to “meet” you too, Lisa! Thank you for your comment.
Love this! Thank you for sharing.
Couldn’t agree more with your article and quote on forgiving others to have peace. If everyone could do this we would have less violence and more love in this world.
Forgive doesn’t mean forget or these people can reinjure. Staying away from toxic people is best. THOUGHTS?
Hi Ray – Correct. To forgive frees you both, but it doesn’t mean you have to like, respect, or be in that person’s presence. Staying away from toxic people is always best, while choosing not to carry around pain
Protect yourself from those toxic people but don’t let them control your heart. Keep it open and don’t let them near it.
Thank you for sharing this. I think you are on the right track in addressing heart issues like this as a part of healing for the body. I able to forgive because at age 19 after being betrayed I found forgiveness for myself by accepting Jesus Christ as my savior.He transformed my life and has walked beside me for over 40 years giving me the power to forgive others and myself and to live for Him.
You’re welcome, Rony and we appreciate you sharing your story.
Such an important topic… thanks for writing about it. It’s interesting this process doesn’t have you tell the person directly (assuming they are alive) you forgive them. Why is that not necessary?
The process isn’t about them, it’s about healing ourselves.